God's Will

I always thought He desired not the death of any of his creatures, but this last week I've been bombarded with evidence saying the contrary. It made sense to me that God would desire a return to his original diet- vegetarianism- both for us humans and for his beloved creatures. I thought it was wrong to kill.

But the Bible simply doesn't state that, as many an online Christian would have me know. There are (probably heretical) Christians who claim that extra-biblical works prove the actual vegetarianism of Jesus and many of his disciples (such as Clement of Alexandria, Iraneus, Hegsesippus, etc.), but I can't know to trust them over the Bibles contained on my shelf. Their testimony is interesting, and a huge part of me clings to it still, and I'd love to know the truth behind the claims of what they wrote. Yet... To believe, as they state (only a century after the death of Christ), that Christianity includes vegetarianism is to believe that the Bible is corrupt beyond repair, and that is to believe that I (and billions of others) have been misinformed about the nature of Christ... And then what? Christianity is devoluted to nothing more than a new-agey belief that there's a loving God, the Holy Spirit, and a messiah, Jesus, who was man and God and who was crucified 2000 years ago.

So my extra-biblical moral compass is waning and faltering. I can't say I want the death of an animal, but I suppose I have no grounds, religiously, to even try to convince others to not contribute to animal death because the savior of the world ate fish and probably other meats. So I suppose any sorrow I have for this situation is misplaced. Yet I cannot shake it... So.. I am still a vegan. (Maybe I should just say plant-based now?) Now, though, I truly feel what St. Paul said: That my faith is weak. Somehow, my faith is so weak that I believed God wanted us to be merciful to his creatures and, thus, not slaughter and consume them if we could at all help it.

Instead, as those with more faith than I believe, I should take the stance that we must raise our animals and slaughter them in a God-pleasing (still sounds like an oxymoron to me) way, that is, ethically. Thus, the rabbit, goat, sheep, cow, and chicken we love today can be ate tomorrow... And all of this is not a moral issue.

This throws a wrench in my life plans and in my life's purpose, and I don't yet know what it will bring, ultimately.

I love this, and I mean that in a non-sarcastic way!

Vegan Disaster Plan And Some Miscellaneous Thoughts

In response to my finding out about the book "The Vegetarian Myth" (which, as with ALL books, has some well-deserved critiques of it available; don't trust her arguments at face value. Research) and seeing the small yet strangely substantial public exodus of vegans about a year ago from their veganist ways, I am going to make an escape plan for myself, should all else fail and their claims that only meat could heal them be true (which, at this point in time, I doubt... ). I don't know why I am making this public, except to demonstrate the need to realize that as a human I am only ever one step away from a fall from grace.

Now, before I put down my little plan, I do feel the want to clarify that I haven't had meat- or intentionally consumed meat stock or meat fat- in almost four years. At all. I have not "cheated" in that respect, as some ex-vegans claim they often did while being a "vegetarian." I have not had dairy, eggs, or their by-products intentionally now for almost a year (yes, I was vegan before that, too, but out of laziness decided to return to eating junk [and I do mean junk- I went back to consuming candy bars, for goodness' sake] and realized that I wasn't missing anything and was living in discord with my values). With that said, I am sometimes not as observant or inquisitive as I should be. Perhaps once a month I run the danger of having consumed minuscule amounts of something I do not desire to consume, such as nonfat milk powder in bread. Please, believe me when I say I do not often do this, nor do I use this "ignorance" as a license to eat the animal products I claim to eschew.

Anyhow. In a worst case scenario wherein I am somehow perishing from want of animal protein or heme iron or something along those lines, necessitating that I consume some sort of animal product (outside of honey, of course, which I mentioned I do consume), I will turn to eggs. The eggs I will turn to will, if I have my own house and yard, come from myself and the chickens I will buy for that purpose. If I cannot do so, I will find a trusted small-scale chicken raiser and purchase the lowest quantity of eggs needed for my health. If that does not work, I shall incorporate those disgusting bits of rubbery meat- oysters- into my diet, for they, apparently, feel no pain.

But, God help me, I never desire to lapse into a free-for-all view of animal product eating, especially meat. My necessity for it- if ever one does arrive- will not make the death of a sentient being any less cruel or any more right in my mind.

With that said, I feel really great. Since my diabetes diagnosis, I'm eating better than ever and have more energy and more pleasant moods.

Now, for the rest- I believe I shall change the layout of this blog. While talking recently to W., he remarked upon how this blog- this portrayal of me- is very one sided and glum. That was it's intent and purpose, I have to admit: it was made to showcase the darker side of my life; the side not quite shown in public. But perhaps I should better balance this blog... And so I shall likely be changing the color scheme if I can find one that still suits me. Maybe then I shall be, with a bit more ease, more uplifting.

Food Obsession

"Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

I admit it!

Food has become an absolute obsession with me as of late, and it is driving me insane. The difficulties of 1. maintaining my weight, 2. eating enough to get me through exercise sessions without going into insulin shock, 3. being a diabetic in general, 4. eating healthy, and 5. being vegan are, lately, taking up a great part of my brain.

I need balance in this situation: I do not believe it ethical to consume animal products (excluding honey: sorry bees), nor do I believe it to be healthy (especially for me! But read the China Study if you wish to hear more of a professional opinion); I cannot eat with abandon unhealthy foods for fear of short-term and long-term diabetic complications; I cannot eat too little or not enough for fear of aforementioned insulin shock. Combine this with my inherent (yet occasionally haphazard) environmentalism, wish to be frugal and not waste my "special" vegan foods, and desire for social justice and you have a girl who now devotes a shameful amount of time to thinking what she should eat for dinner. Or as a snack. Or as an evening snack. Or if I need a quick blood sugar pick-me-up. Etc.

That all being said, I am not wholly consumed. I can still back down and find some balance. Yet I sense I should act soon, for I've been neglecting some very important things (such as spiritual development and charity), and without those things, I can sense that something in me is developing awry. One positive thing: it makes me realize again what "dust" I am and how terribly selfish and, in fact, evil I am and shall be always while I live.

Nothing a little prayer can't fix, I'd wager; but in the mean time, I am giving myself a headache! Or maybe that's just my needing to eat soon.

The Gospel According to Me

I am no longer afraid, at least intellectually.

God places no weight upon me to agree with all those who are Christian by name or deed or truth. (If he did: ha! There are far too many beliefs...) In fact, he doesn't even require that I whole-heartedly believe what the congregation I am a part of professes. (I make this statement on the basis that God requires a relationship and not adherence to a religion- not to say that relationship won't manifest itself into adherence.) Therefore....

I believe God doesn't want humans to eat animals. I believe God did create animals for their own pleasure and for ours, just as we were created for both our pleasure and his. I believe it is unethical to kill what 1. desires life and 2. has been deprived of a natural life. I believe that by looking at the outcome or "fruit," if you will, of meat consumption, I can see that nothing but environmental degredation, suffering, and danger comes from the practice. Therefore, I believe it is wrong to consume meat. Am I forming God in my own image? Perhaps. Could I be wrong? Perhaps. But I have examined the issue and see no logic in nor feel any compulsion to excuse the consumption of flesh. All have formed God from what they know- that doesn't mean he doesn't exist objectively, however- and if I have erred, I pray he have mercy on me.

Yes, I have departed from common Christian vegetarian wisdom... But my faith is NOT weaker because I refuse meat. I do not intend on pulling any away from God or Christ but wish to pull all creatures closer to God's intention.

Which do I fear: humans or God?

That is the question...

I won't go into details. I have told as many people as need to know my dilemma(s); I have brought upon headaches and dread in thinking through the issue and its ramifications. Being human, I am tired already of deliberating... But I cannot and won't give up on the matter, for surely above all else, God must be against the complacent, no?...

Thoughts on Vegetarianism and God

This list will not, alas, demonstrate the thoughts of one who is well-versed in logic or whose great insight into matters really has a chance at shedding new light on situations. This is just a collage of sorts of various viewpoints on the matter and my corresponding thoughts.

With that said....

1. If God's intent is to redeem a fallen world and if, as it states in Genesis, all creation was vegetarian in the beginning (meaning no death of beings capable of feeling pain or pleasure), then should not Christians hold a general interest in returning to this state, just as Christians are to be zealous in returning love, charity, and meaning (all of which were natural to creation initially) to a fallen world? Or is vegetarianism something seen as a lesser good- a thing that shall be rectified in heaven but is perfectly permissable on Earth? If so...
2. Has God no mercy upon the lower animals? I can comprehend His loving humanity above all (because we, as far as reason can show, are imbued with a bit of God's nature [reason] which other animals lack; at least to the extent we have it), but I cannot quite see his gladly (gladly being the key word) giving the lives of countless of his other, lesser creations so that we may eat something that is more or less (in most situations) unnecessary. In short, I can't see God not caring for the lesser animals (after all, he made them, too), and if He cares for them, I can't see His considering their death an optimal thing.
3. C.S. Lewis, in his book The Problem of Pain, dedicates a short chapter to non-human suffering. I have yet to finish it, so my observations thus far may be inaccurate of the piece as a whole; however, he seems to view animals as falling into two categories: in the first are the higher animals, such as dogs, cats, livestock, dolphins, etc., and these animals may be said to have a soul through their human caregivers and therefore might have eternal life; the second category- lower animals- lack this vicarious soul. I am curious as to whether or not he shall directly answer the question of consuming any of the higher (or lower) creatures; I suppose he shall answer in favor of doing so, for I see no indication that he practiced vegetarianism.
4. On that great site of wisdom, Youtube, I saw a video not too long ago telling Christians to beware the demonic deception of the Animal Rights movement. Obviously, this upset me, for I have long struggled with my identity as a Christian vegetarian/vegan. Most Christians remain indifferent to the issue or state that meat is a God-granted privilege, to be truthful, I see both positions to be lacking (the first because I fancy that they are unwilling to change their statement should they decide that the ethical thing to do is abstain; the second, really, is likely in most people to only be a modification of the first, except they believe they have reached an ethical stance). If the issue obviously wasn't too big of a one in the history of Christianity and if the Bible does indicate many times over the killing of animals for sacrifice and consumption and the fact that false doctrines may arise in the Church and lead some astray, then it can be assumed that the Bible is either indifferent towards the matter (which would be strange, considering it is an ethical choice) or offer only the consumption of an omnivorous diet as God-pleasing, if natural, choice. Yet my conscious and reason tell me that this could not easily be so (Granted, I am fallible and able to be deceived).
5. If only for health and environmental purposes, the Church, if it will not advocate a vegetarian diet (not force, mind you), should incorporate some of its tenets into its functions. For instance: many church functions I've attended (hosted by many different denominations of Christianity) offer food that is known to be quite unhealthy (hot dogs, hamburgers, popcorn, pizza, ice cream, sausage, etc.). This in a country where so many are afflicted with illness due to poor choice in diet! Not only that, but the environmental toll of such unappreciated and generic meat is great and shall only serve to burden future generations (should they even come) with greater levels of pollution, famine, and poverty. The Church, to show love in all ways it can, should help promote health, not death; it should protect all, not exacerbate their future endangerment; it should help all to make wise decisions and perhaps assist church members and non-members to learn the true value of food and appreciate it as a gift from God.

That is all for now. I hope everyone is well.