My Appetite is Quite Strange

Not even this looks as good as it should :(

Lately, I have had the strangest appetite. Before diabetes, I was always hungry for something or the other, and typically that something (or the other) was a high-fat, sugary (vegan) baked good. At other times, I wanted tacos/pizza/spaghetti/etc., too, but that was a different sort of craving. These cravings of mine stayed with me after my diabetes diagnosis, too... That is, until a week or so ago.

I've been struggling to have a real desire to eat anything put before me. I feel vaguely reminiscent of hungry here and there, and I do force myself to eat this or that, but I don't quite enjoy it or want it. I know I should eat- even right now, I know, I should be eating something- but nothing appeals to me, either physically or mentally. Heck- if a vegan, calorie and carb and fat free peanut-butter chocolate cake were set in front of me at the moment, I don't think I'd want it. I'd toy with the idea in my head, but I wouldn't really have a physiological response to it.

This may seem like it's not that big of a deal, and in a lot of ways, it is not. It gets a little upsetting and/or dangerous, however, when I have hypoglycemia, just finished exercising (which I am still doing consistently) or when its meal-making time and I can't make up my mind as to what I want to begin to prepare.

I think I'm burnt out on calories, carbs, fat, and the rest.

Food Obsession

"Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.

I admit it!

Food has become an absolute obsession with me as of late, and it is driving me insane. The difficulties of 1. maintaining my weight, 2. eating enough to get me through exercise sessions without going into insulin shock, 3. being a diabetic in general, 4. eating healthy, and 5. being vegan are, lately, taking up a great part of my brain.

I need balance in this situation: I do not believe it ethical to consume animal products (excluding honey: sorry bees), nor do I believe it to be healthy (especially for me! But read the China Study if you wish to hear more of a professional opinion); I cannot eat with abandon unhealthy foods for fear of short-term and long-term diabetic complications; I cannot eat too little or not enough for fear of aforementioned insulin shock. Combine this with my inherent (yet occasionally haphazard) environmentalism, wish to be frugal and not waste my "special" vegan foods, and desire for social justice and you have a girl who now devotes a shameful amount of time to thinking what she should eat for dinner. Or as a snack. Or as an evening snack. Or if I need a quick blood sugar pick-me-up. Etc.

That all being said, I am not wholly consumed. I can still back down and find some balance. Yet I sense I should act soon, for I've been neglecting some very important things (such as spiritual development and charity), and without those things, I can sense that something in me is developing awry. One positive thing: it makes me realize again what "dust" I am and how terribly selfish and, in fact, evil I am and shall be always while I live.

Nothing a little prayer can't fix, I'd wager; but in the mean time, I am giving myself a headache! Or maybe that's just my needing to eat soon.