Tuesday, September 15, 2009

For once.. I wish to return to civilization.

Being alone is fine, when alone is what I choose,
After that, I long for the chance for a change.
Carelessness I cannot long uphold..
Kristen, my dear, you are meant to dream of better things while you have the good. Return!

I deeply want to attend school tomorrow. It is getting rather depressing and worrisome being cooped up in my house with both my eyes itching and being rather stiff. I'd rather go to school and face the bittersweet reality of possibility and failure than the pseudo-reality of missing out on all the small, insignificant occurrences. My! I would never survive should I drop out of high school. Good thing I haven't the least desire to do that (I love the concept of learning and showing learning achievements through the passing of classes and the acquisition of credits).

Anyhow. I am in a sort of bland, good period of my life where God is really giving me the opportunity to peacefully learn about Him. Sadly, I have neglected this opportunity more than I should.. But the time I've spent reading the Bible has been fruitful, though I can't yet tell you how. I read the words, and though they aren't convicting me, they are real to me. As if I witnessed Jesus' sermons and saw him in his last days and really heard the wisdom in his parables.

My life is really, really good right now. I've found peace in God and don't have to fret over a certain someone. COUGH. That doesn't mean I still don't like him.. But putting him as my god unintentionally not only ruins me and my relationship with God but also freaks him out. Besides, I don't want a desperate relationships- ever. I want one of mutual dependence (to an extent), kindness, help, and trust.

That is all- I want to get to bed so that I can focus, should I attend my silly school in the morning.

1 comment:

Marvin the Martian said...

Look at you, realizing how good your life is! That's a big thing. Some people never know it.

I hope you're feeling better!