Horrible and loving,
Understanding and ever-judging,
Meek and strong,
Arrogant and cautious,
Never more to be anything but am I.
Until recently, I had not been human in years.
You see, an essential part in being a human is feeling emotion, and because I was so misled and confused, I had an overflow of emotion- most of it concerning my poor, pitiful self. The only two options I had- that I can see now- when faced with such a surplus of misdirected compassion was to rid myself of it, wholly, or turn into something inhuman- saving all my compassion, if you could still call it that, for myself and looking down upon and showing no mercy to others.
I tell you, I spent far too long as a person of stone. Rarely could I break through my selfishness to help others- if at all! The time I spent so hurt more people than I could ever be able to imagine, for who knows, besides God, what I could have done for others- who I could have saved from their peril? I hurt those around me, and I also deeply scarred my self. It's hard to teach yourself to care again. It's hard to overcome the shame I feel about those years, in fact, I don't fancy I will ever get over it.
1 comment:
Eh, it's a learning experience. Feeling nothing is very useful in certain situations, but it can hold you back in other situations. It's all part of growing up. There's nothing shameful in that.
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