Monday, August 15, 2011

I didn't ask for this.. Oh, wait, I probably did.

At first, I wanted to lament. After a calming walk, I just want to tell: on occasion, I mourn (obviously....) the apparently un-asked for disease I now have and wonder why it was thrust upon me without my consent. Then I remember the days of darkness where I'd fantasize that I was ill- typically, terminally and tragically so- and I was finally receiving love and truth and attention. Well...

I'm chronically ill, now. Yet the nature of the disease is such that no one mourns it. This is a good thing. This is a character-building thing.

.. And, this is a HUGE instance of "be careful what you wish for." Many-a-time have I wished for something evil and, sure enough, received it. Maybe the two events- my asking and the manifestation of my request- are not correlated, but even if that is so, surely my guilt and the burden of the realization of the event is still mine to deal with. I need to wish and pray for good. Which means I need to think positively. Which means I need to look outside of myself.

In other news:

Novolog has been working! Happy days are here again! (But I still need to learn how to cover myself with insulin!)

1 comment:

Marvin said...

Now now, don't blame yourself for what HAS happened... just resolve to make the most of your life with your new constraints. Many young people get seduced by drugs, alcohol and hard living. You have avoided that fate through the new rules placed upon you by your body. You are now more fragile than others around you... now is the time to work on making your soul stronger than others around you.