Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Health? Bah, humbug.

Since my diagnosis with diabetes, health became something a lot more pertinent to my daily life. I thought I was healthy pre-diabetes because I ate veggies and (occasionally) fruits and didn't stuff my face with milk/butter/eggs/beef/chicken nuggets/etc. However, looking back, I can see that my habits, although vegan, were not "healthy." I rarely exercised strenuously, did not watch too closely how much processed foods I ate, or what my portion sizes were for some food best ate in moderation.

I feel great now, even with only several changes to my lifestyle. Yet I yearn for more health, more fitness, more vitality...

That is, until I reach my about once-daily rut.

I am in one right now. I just completed (well, partially completed) one of the infamous BodyRock.tv workouts (what was it called? I can't remember the exact name). Now, after 12 minutes of intense exercise (it's interval training, don't laugh!!), subsequent cooling down, and a slight tinge of nausea, I really want to say to heck with stress and effort put into health. I am tired of wondering how I should lose the five pounds extra I've put on, or how much insulin I should take if I really am going to be exercising two times a day or more...

I want to be the person who gets a high off of daily yoga, running, and intense cardio/strength training. I want to be more toned and have great blood glucose numbers. I want to eat healthy and clean and vegan (that's not soooo hard for me, but I'm just stating it because it's part of the whole picture). Yet I don't want to put effort into it at the moment. I want to relax, not fight this disease. (Ha! It's hardly giving me any issues lately and I still wish to combat it...)

I say this now, but I will wake up tomorrow and take a nice rollerblading trip around the neighborhood. I say this now, but I will decrease my insulin tomorrow....

And somehow, God help me, this isn't going to spiral down into an eating disorder/body image issue.

2 comments:

Marvin the Martian said...

If I may point out, you were complaining recently about being skinny. Now you're worried about being fat. You look fine. The only thing that matters is keeping your diabetes in check, so that it does no more damage to your organs. Everything else is secondary.

Remember, you can eat healthy and exercise and you are still going to die. No one gets out alive. I have seen several people in my lifetime drop dead of heart attacks when they were the picture of health, exercising and eating right without fail. They still died, and died young. The point is, don't overthink being healthy, because it only works to a point.

Lydia said...

Thank you, Marvin.. I know that health is incredibly transitory and that, in the end, it only matters if you made the most of your energy and vitality by loving others and doing what you love.

I think I need more of those last two things!