Tuesday, January 12, 2010

An end? A brief respite? Or strength to carry through?

God, are you not known to work in ways unconventional?
If I am offered this chance, can I pass it?
Few are those who are to me
That which I have prayed daily for.

Psalm 88:

"...You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;....

Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you?...

From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair...

You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend."

Being that the world is a neurotic in nature as I can be, I cannot know whether this peace and happiness brought upon by what might, in the end, prove to be the silliest and most over-inflated blessing shall stay with me, or, if it does, in what form. I cannot discern the future for certain, so I shall rejoice and strengthen myself today.

To have a friend, even if tomorrow or the day after it all comes to naught, sustains me enough to give me some hope. I never expected to be given one again the old, dusty, mythical connection I felt before- and never did I think it would come from anyone but the one who I had allowed to intentionally and unintentionally scar me.

Perhaps, if you save my earthly life once, I may one day have strength to help save your eternal life, as well.

For now, thank you, God. Thank you, for even after I lost my friends and the companionship and emotional and psychological comfort they provided for me, you sent me something. Someone- a real life mortal- for me.

5 comments:

Marvin the Martian said...

Congratulations! You really only need one or two good friends to sustain you through the worst life can throw at you. The people who have dozens of "friends" are often the loneliest of all, because their popularity is superficial and fleeting.

Lydia said...

I often think of that myself, Marvin.. Often so when simultaneously envying them. In reality, though, I don't desire tons of "fun," superficial friends.. I only want one that I can help and love and who can reciprocate it to me.

Marvin the Martian said...

I forget sometimes how evolved you are, far beyond your years.

Nightmare said...

Religion is only for those who need it. The problem is you have to need a god just to pass the day.

Nightmare said...

marvins a damn pedo btw..