Saturday, October 17, 2009

I do Believe..

Might I say I feel so empty
And these dystopian surroundings bring me closer to
Doom, known only to my subconscious.

I always dreamt of truly going mad. Schizophrenia, psychosis, whatever diagnosis needed- so long as I could enter the world of terror and unreality that is mental illness. I can't tell if it was so alluring because I am half-way there or because I am so far from it. If I knew the answer, then I would be able to know if the strangeness in me is rising again. I think it is. I would love to blame this on a mental disorder; classify it. Classify me. I know not what I experience. And if I ever do go insane, will I know it? Will I know it- in such a way that the fact that I cannot overcome it will scare me all the more?

It wouldn't surprise me. If I am brilliant- ha, I doubt I am- I am quite sure that I am mad. So it goes.

2 comments:

Marvin the Martian said...

"Dystopian"!!! The ten-dollar word of the day. You get a cookie.

I think the definition of being insane includes the fact that you don't KNOW you're insane. Therefore, if you think you are, you're not. Quod Erat Demonstrandum. ;-)

Here's a tune for you - Queen's "I'm Going Slightly Mad."

Feel better. You ARE brilliant, just not necessarily mad. But we can always pretend. (evil grin)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn4k6TE-C4Y

VainApocalypse said...

Sanity, even in medical terms, is a relative thing. Just remember that it is no virtue to be sane by the standards of a crazy world.