Bring word to my love, you little things
I am sorry..
Ruined, I am, by those actions of mine, so terribly executed.
Don't you two know what I feel?
So make haste, I long for him.
Underneath those trees, I remembered, calmly. I remembered some of what was beautiful and some of what I spoiled- some of what was said and all the things that were wrote but never delivered. Surprisingly, I felt, but what I felt wasn't pain... And the moment was pleasant.
A pair of cardinals flew to the trees above me. Cardinals: they have always delighted me. Long have I looked at them with kind joy and understanding with the way they stay with each other. Once, that simple trait- the fact that two birds, who surely can't love each other like humans should, help each other out always- brought me to tears. But not this time.
I had been thinking-praying, perhaps- about how all these things are orchestrated to achieve their purpose. Everything. The dog that barked across the way from me, the wind in the trees, the cloudy sky, and the ripples on the murky, dirty pond- each and every one of those things were under God's control. Perhaps, I thought, God incessantly speaks, but I cannot hear or decipher correctly. That is the moment the birds flew in- my own little symbol for true love.
I don't know what it all means. I cannot tell if it is my selfish, scheming mind or a true message. But it held a weight uncommon to most occurrences.
I don't know if He'll ever send me a clear sign. It's hard for me to trust that these things happen for a reason. It's hard to accept that the future is cloudy.