Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My teacher

Jesus is her leader..
And wisdom is her guide.
Courageous.. Generous..
Odd years I spent within her room
But she knows what I face..
She saw what everyone else forgot.

I went to see my sixth, seventh, and eighth grade teacher this afternoon with the intention of seeking her counsel about a problem that I've long wished to speak with her about. However, she was conducting her school's Christians in Action meeting, so I had to wait a bit (which, of course, was fine by me- it was a blessing, actually).
Like always, like always- something had to come up to haunt me. (Reminds me of the song that goes "There is always something there to remind me.." I rather like that song..)
There was a manifestation of sorts of the problem I wished to talk with Mrs. Jacobs about in the room during the whole of CIA. I am over the over-dramatics: I cannot rush away. The reminders shall be with me for all my days.

I, eventually, after everyone else departed, had my chance to speak with her. The things I wanted to share with her for a year now gushed out- but, unlike all of the other people that I have dumped knowledge of my plight on, she- I don't know- she saw things just as I needed someone to because I need to see them, always, the way she trusted me to. She, unhindered by any attraction or malice, gave me the counsel I have been trying to give myself. No, it was not all good news. I didn't expect it nor want it to be- would her proclamation of a victorious battle for me make it any more real? No. I have to face the past and there is a large, large chance that I shall always have it with me, special but not as important as the present. I prayed for my love story. I was given it. Then I pushed it away and it crumbled.

But love will not go to waste. When I say I love, it matters not whether the love is reciprocated or even appreciated. When I love, I love as we should all love- or I try. Love is worth nothing if it doesn't strive to help others. That is all I can do.

And that is all I can write of this.

No comments: