continued..
(I can never explain well that which affects me most. I think I inherited that trait from my dearest father).
As a child, the best moments in my life were always so terribly short that just as my joy would begin to surface and transform me, a terrible melancholy- terrible, I say, enough to where even at a very young age I would long for an end to life and it's disappointments- would come over me. (I write this all with a clear conscience- I really do not believe I am exaggerating or lying).
As I grew, I had more opportunities to escape those instances- though some were unavoidable or worth the faithful, dreaded feeling- and it decreased in it's magnitude as I decreased in childish hope (by that I mean in general- you know the hope of a child that life will be magical and un-interrupted by tragedy). In fact, I thought the feeling had completely dissipated... But I see that the truth is otherwise. It comes back- it will always come back, so long as I live in a broken world.
~
As I grew, I had more opportunities to escape those instances- though some were unavoidable or worth the faithful, dreaded feeling- and it decreased in it's magnitude as I decreased in childish hope (by that I mean in general- you know the hope of a child that life will be magical and un-interrupted by tragedy). In fact, I thought the feeling had completely dissipated... But I see that the truth is otherwise. It comes back- it will always come back, so long as I live in a broken world.
~
(I can never explain well that which affects me most. I think I inherited that trait from my dearest father).
1 comment:
It's hard to be joyous when disappointment lies just around the corner - again and again. But after you get beyond school and you leave home, and you can totally choose your associates and your social situations, it gets MUCH easier, with more joy and less disappointment. It also helps to (a.) always have your own transportation, and (b.) never pin your hopes on what someone else is going to do. Always be prepared to go it alone, because it usually works out better that way anyway. ;-)
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