Painful, more so than before;
Are you aware- do you know- what I really feel?
So long we've been gone,
Today I heard your beautiful voice, and you heard my own; yet, we still haven't met.
My life is full of anti-climaxes. I suppose that correlates with the fact that until recently, my life was full of un-encountered feelings and un-addressed grievances, both from me and whoever dared to entangle themselves with me- the ugly, invasive vine that sapped the life out of my hosts.
Disappointment plagues me each time I face each high point just to be gently dropped down before anything life-altering happens.. Disappointment plagues me now, for today I began the long process of loving someone who doesn't know they need love; I have set off to love someone who will not hold communication with me. I have set off to, most devastatingly of all, love someone who I already love- someone I have already lost, someone who is a frequent, though not constant, visitor within my mind, though rarely do I visit his!
Eighty days, I have, until he returns. Eighty days. Lord, protect me and preserve me, for eighty days is far too long.