Recent Occurrences: It's Not Homophobia.

I will write tonight on something I have no control over. I have no authority but my own in which to state my opinion on a matter of extreme sensitivity. Having said thus, I hope I may, through my typical effort (or lack thereof) justify myself and my view of the world.

Recently, bullying against homosexuals (and those thought to be homosexual) has been a huge issue in the news, on my college's campus, and nearly everywhere else. For me, this speaks not of an issue of people not accepting this particular group or their lifestyle- homosexuals and homosexuality- but in a more pervasive issue that is what truly demands attention, thought, and action.

I hear, day in and day out, in other's words and my own, in my thoughts and other's writings, in songs, movies, books, and articles, hate. We are today incredibly adept at demeaning others (to their face and behind of it) with no qualms or second thoughts. It seems that we all begin on a simple level- thoughtless reactions to preconceived feelings about alternative beliefs, lifestyles, etc. We thoughtlessly make fun of what might be another's most sacred concept. Because the progression of lack of respect for others at this point is not too advanced, we are able to feel guilt if the wrongness of our action somehow strikes us; we might even regret our actions or words. Soon, however, such inhibitions slip away. The modern man-" free" of their own "judgmental tendencies"- I.E., religion and belief in core values- is set loose to ridicule whatever and whomever we desire (and how alluring it is!). It becomes second nature to lack empathy... And then...

We easily- gladly, sometimes- arrive at the logical end of all this: we become murderers. Yes, murderers. Those who drove any of those teenagers/young adults to kill themselves are, for all intents and purposes, their very murderers. They supplied the ammo to what may have already been a depressive personality's "gun," they feared not the consequences of their heartlessness, and they show no remorse for the blood splattered all over their hands, heart, and mouth. They brought them there, they left them there, and then, most cruelly of all, felt no guilt over the loss of a precious human.

This problem is UNIVERSAL. It cannot be solved only by promoting tolerance for gays. It must be combated, as much as possible, individually. We must choose to love others; we must try with all we have to survive the hardships we inflict upon each other so that one day we may conquer those tendencies and lead another to do the same. It's not a perfect solution... But nothing on this Earth was ever perfect since about 33 AD.

And it's about time we really began to look into the message that perfect man had. Life is not quite life if you lack the most basic human quality: love.

Internal Sabotage

I have a sour feeling all throughout my body. It's familiar; it's my greatest enemy. The subtle and banal evil within me that loves to eat at me and rob me of all hope or want for hope. The drive to act in spite towards myself and others and burn every bridge that keeps me alive. That, reader, is a small part- just one facet of a jewel stained red and with a black core. How could I not believe in a personal, saving God? How could I not believe there's a Devil out to seduce me into the evil that both existed within me since conception and was integrated into myself as I progressed?...

This feeling..

This emptiness...

It's a prozac moment. So beautiful. So ugly and worthless.

I, I am my greatest saboteur. Every hurt in my life was calculated by myself against myself- even, perhaps, those hurts that have long existed. Every failure is at my own hands; every shame is something I knew I would come to regret. We humans- we are great analogies of Satan and God. My shame is from my perversion of the truth and what is right; my joy is the preservation or reclamation of what should be. With that said, I do not believe I am a god or a demon- I just believe that both exert an influence upon me and I am quite sure I'd rather follow the pull of the first as much as I may.. Not only to earn his favor, which I could never do by myself, but to subsist and wrap myself around each day and everything- all the pain and the bittersweet joys (reminders, mainly, of pain, absence, and longing to come).

Let us pray I can fight this. I don't like the thought of losing or damaging any of what I have left.. And I don't like the path I would slip down were I to take one step.

A Stand Which Need Be Made

Harbored in realization or not..
Always producing an evil that someone must realize.
To hate is to murder, but
Empty consciences shall ever deny it.

Through a link provided in my world history course (which I take online), I stumbled upon a website- www.genocide.org (which I cannot quite determine whether it supports genocide or denounces it or chooses to be stupidly "unbiased")- which, in turn, brought me to many websites that instill within me a deep sorrow and fear in response to their cold, "logical" philosophies on race, eugenics, hate, love, religion, and philanthropy, all based on facts which are viewed and interpreted through an incredibly biased and heartless paradigm.

Nothing that brings me to worry for society as a whole was absent from the pages I scanned. Whole groups of people proclaimed Hitler the most important man of all, denied the Holocaust, talked of forced sterilization in impassive tones, and lifted up white "gentiles" as the most superior of all races, while simulatenously and paradoxically claiming that no race is greater than another, just each should be kept separate and form their own nations.

I realize, with bittersweet relief, that today few prescribe to such beliefs, but that many, many could potentially do so if they were confronted with the messages that such groups claim. The seeds- the very beginnings- of hatred have always been sown here in abundance.. Even among those who are "good" people.

I know many, many people- young and old alike, good and bad- who express contempt at America's increasing minority groups and frequently verbalize their sentiments that immigration be curbed and "aliens" be deported. The fault I see in that? For one, to say such a thing places our lives- Americans- at a greater value than those born in extreme poverty in, say, Puerto Rico, because we "deserve" to preserve our country as-is for ourselves rather than try to incorporate them into the type of better life we wish to have.

Then there are those who complain of the special benefits available to minorities- superficial things such as BET, or things designed to help them advance beyond their circumstances, such as special college funds, etc.- when impoverished white people "do not have such things." Ideally, I believe such things should be available to all without bias- no prejudice from those not of European descent against "whites" or of "whites" against others, but such a world we do not live in yet (if ever).. But to wish to deprive minorities of the opportunity to establish a good life (that which we desire for ourselves and our posterity!) is wholly wrong and sets one on a slippery slope towards further mistreatment. (If you're not with them, you're against them- in all aspects).

But even more mundanely, there are those of us who simply wish to stay to ourselves and look out for only ourselves, leaving others to die- usually emotionally but, in the case of neglect to support charitably in receiving food, clean water, or shelter, physically. This is where it all begins. The normalcy of "self-preservation" through selfishness leads to the slightly larger indicators of hate which, if unchecked, lead to the rationalization of denying people of liberty and life based on race, religion, or lifestyle. Never do we have the authority to decide who should live well, live poorly, or die. Never should be pretend we do. For where such a huge evil is, no good can thrive anywhere. If you reap hatred and apathy.. You will sow it, with a ten-fold return.

Hate isn't a joke or something to be taken lightly. No human has the power to control hatred, whether that hatred be towards an individual or a group. To allow hatred is to allow death- and to be an active hand in it.




That, readers, is a rather unsatisfactory statement on my general life-view. This could easily tie in with aspects of my life, but to do so at this moment seems to me blasphemous and utterly selfish and wrong. Because some things aren't about me. Some things are about us all.