The downfall to this blog is that I try my hardest to express the deeper side of me which, at times, seems purely non-existent but still bothers and prods me enough to make me feel as if I am betraying myself in not displaying it in some way. Under those guidelines, I can't write of the sillier, "fluffier" occurrences, wishes, and dreams I have, lest I betray the purpose of this blog.
I truly do not get myself. I believe I put on so many masks that there is not a chance that all of them could truly show an honest, existing part of me. Depending on the time of day, or the climate, or the week, or the occasion, I can be silent and brooding, cheerful and light-hearted (and rather empty-headed, it seems), loving, cold-hearted and cruel, grotesque, prim and proper, purely idiotic, or any combination of those. Either I am truly a varied person- and show the variety of sides of me often, whereas others seem slower to change (but that statement is shaped from my biased paradigm), or I am simply a pretender and a cheater of the lowest sort. (Or perhaps I an unaware of and unable to accept the fact that humans are not static in the least and cannot hold on to anything pure, good, upright, or true).
I write all this because I hold the largest longing in my heart for the absurd. I have not indulged in any stunt I consider amusing in a long, long while. I haven't made a story I found amusing nor produced a lame, low, low-quality Youtube video that causes me to laugh whenever I think of it in a very long while. I have created nothing as of late to satisfy my longing to be an eccentric fool: I have not even done so much as to create the impression within people that I am a strange one!
It is maddening. The hilarity of my being unable to expel this need furthers my desire to create such a senseless distraction.