Why Do I Dwell?

Out of a lack of self-control, I suppose, I spend far too long analyzing the snippets of others' lives that are available to be ogled at online. I come up short, continually: I feel unintelligent (for I feel I have not portrayed myself as such adequately), quite unwomanly (which is, more or less, true), unattractive, not quite able to be "fun" (which, as I age, comes to mean more and more that I refuse intoxicants and some of the more self-serving, useless pastimes), and, generally speaking, an all-around stick in the mud sort of hermit.

This phenomena, I know, is not limited to me. I see it in action subtly in other's conduct and words. Pop psychology has also mentioned it. Something about living our lives online makes even the most popular of us, it seems, feel as if we are in need of more attention and more reverence for being unique. I am not popular and never have been. Mostly, I don't want to be popular- too many negative trade-offs would have to be made and, frankly, I don't have the energy to invest heavily in shallow friendships. Yet I wish I were seen as beautiful, smart, and creative... Selfishness makes me desire such things, I know... There are higher ideals to be strove towards, and I would do well to concentrate on such things instead of my own rather unalterable traits.