It's Doc Gerbil's World

See? Proof that it is NOT my world.

I need to accept that and learn to live my life according to that principle. I'm miserable because things never go my way (even if my way is, to me, a simple and small thing to ask for sometimes*), and that breeds an even lesser likelihood of happiness in the future because I am both disappointed and hopeless.

* Sometimes, I long for the feelings of fondness and happiness I would occasionally experience in years past. Those wishes, I think, are reasonable, but my modes of wishing to procure them are not. Times have changed, and I must find solace and happiness in other means.

In you, there is rest

Carefree- who would think it? I, with my

Always present, always cruel bench of critics within my mind.

Let me worry when you are gone, I haven't you long,

My soul and intellect are at ease when you speak to me.

As much as I fret inwardly over this and that- the most trivial of things!- I am suprised to find that speaking with you was the most satisfying non-spiritual act I may do. The past doesn't haunt me when you are there, it integrates itself with the present beautifully and calmly. Is that what you spoke of, a year's time ago? Did I ever bless you with peace- as deep as one may have from a simple human? You said I drove away your dark side, that evil part of you and of me that-

Let me not speak of it. For I have peace, lingering on- and I can say, in

 truth, that it is not arousing within me the insecurities and questions that surround you. I forgive you. I forgive myself. I have forgotten the bad both of us have inflicted upon each other- me, often purposefully, and you, mayhap, the same- and I am utterly enraptured and satisfied in such a basic act as speaking. Once again, and forevermore, thank you.

But above all, thank you, Lord...